This is a formula that works regardless of who this person is – which includes friends, family, ANY one at all.
• Stop holding this person responsible for your happiness, or sense of security. As an adult that is YOUR job.
• Let go of your focus on them and examine yourself. Get very clear on your values and what you require in your Life.
• Heal within yourself the traumas you have that cause you to attach and make excuses for staying in toxic relationships. Find a good therapist who specializes in this area.
• If this person has an indecent character, stop wanting or expecting any change from them. Instill a No Contact or Modified Contact policy in regard to them. Do what you need to legally, to heal and move on.
• If this person has a decent character, STOP arguing with them and tell them lovingly and truthfully what you require from them to continue a relationship with them.
• If they don’t wish to meet these needs, bless them and lovingly release them so that you both can be free to live a life that is aligned with your separate truths.
• If they do agree to step up and incorporate the values you have, see if their actions match the words – words alone are cheap.
• If they are trying to become your values, be honest. Is this something that they are enjoying and benefiting from? Are they doing this only because of their neediness and fear of losing you, but really resent having to be different?
And finally, ALWAYS, ALWAYS be true to yourself no matter what anyone else is or isn’t doing.
When you are authentic, you can say ‘No’ to who and what is not working for you. You are empowered to connect with and co-generate with the people and things who share your values.
By calmly and clearly using the formula above, you have the confidence and self-awareness to leave a relationship if things become toxic.