Adapted from an article by Dr. Mara Karpel
Anyone else feeling anxiety as this pandemic goes on and on? Tempers are short as we are spending more time than we are accustomed to in isolation either alone or with our loved ones that are now trying our patience. To prepare for brighter days, it’s important to take care of ourselves now. Here are some examples of ways you can care for yourself and help to ease those feelings of anxiety.
1. Don’t run from the pain
We may feel unsettled and don’t know what to think or how to feel about this pandemic and the future. We might fear becoming ill or worry about our family and friends. Many of us fear the loss of income and wonder how we’ll pay our bills. In our social isolation, we might become lonely and feel lost.
But it’s important to notice how we’re feeling, rather than running from it. Running away from pain only gives it more power to grow, so that it becomes much larger and scarier when it finally catches up with us and causes even more suffering.
Pema Chodron writes: “Sticking with uncertainty is how we relax in the midst of chaos, how we learn to be cool when the ground beneath us suddenly disappears.”
Make time to be still, to slow your thinking, judging, and worrying. When we do this; we can actually heal our pain and have the compassion to help ease the suffering of our friends and neighbors, giving our own life more meaning.
Whatever it is that you’re feeling, know that there are many of us likely feeling the same way. Right now, we are all in this together. There’s a strange sense of comfort in that. We might be socially isolated, but we’re not alone with our experience.
It’s important to practice some form of relaxation technique regularly in order to cope with the stress we’re all feeling, to prevent panic, and to stop us from spiraling into depression. Taking a step back to breathe and to be present in this moment, gives us the clarity of thought to make good decisions and the energy to move forward with creativity and rational problem-solving. When we practice stillness, we reduce the stress hormones cortisol, norepinephrine, and adrenaline.
Mindfulness meditation is a powerful way to achieve this. And we may discover that it brings new inspired and creative ideas about what we might want to do with this sudden extra time, rather than the constant busy-ness that we were used to. And mindfulness helps us to see through the illusions that we might have accepted when we were too busy to question, giving us a better idea of what is really important to us and what we can let go of.
Mindfulness can be as simple as sitting quietly and focusing attention on our breathing or on a word, just noticing thoughts that pop into our mind and letting them drift by. There have been several recent studies that have found that meditating regularly (even just five minutes a day) has numerous health benefits and improves mood. It’s through our silent mind that we discover our strength and regain peacefulness in the midst of storms.
3. Get moving
Our bodies were born to move, and exercise can help to decrease stress and improve our emotional well-being. In addition, exercise helps to boost our immune system, which is especially important right now. Here are some ways to get your move on:
*Take a walk outside. Social distancing does not mean having to stay indoors. Getting out into the sunshine for a walk can be the antidote we need from that loop of circular thoughts. *Turn up some tunes and dance around your house. *Yoga teachers and fitness instructors are offering lots of free videos. You can try a different one every day or pick one or two for your own home exercise routine. *Try some new routines to challenge yourself and keep your mind focused on the present to keep up. Of course, be mindful of your fitness level when choosing a routine.
4. Socialize – virtually
Even though social distancing is in place, we can reach out to others with phone calls, FaceTime, and online video. Isolation can lead to a decline in mood, especially if we’re already feeling depressed or stressed out. Ironically, stress, anxiety, and depression all cause us to want to isolate ourselves. Forcing ourselves to “be” with other people – even if we don’t necessarily feel like it – can help to break this cycle. Make a list of people who have been on your mind, but you’ve been too busy to call. Touch base with at least one or two of these individuals each week. Again, we are all in this together and having the on-line support of others going through this helps us to feel understood and loved.
5. Commune with nature
Going for a walk alone in nature in order to “be still enough to hear what’s really going on inside of us,” to hear our soul’s whisper, is very beneficial. Getting out into nature can be one of the most powerful ways of shifting our mood, lifting it, when we’re feeling down, or calming it, when we’re anxious or stressed-out.
Even having a view of nature through a window has been found to have benefits, such as speeding up recovery from surgery, increasing work performance, and improving work satisfaction. In fact, if you have difficulty quieting your mind and finding that place of stillness, look at a tree, a flower, a plant. Let your awareness rest upon it…how still they are, how deeply rooted in Being. Here are some ways to commune with nature:
*Take a walk in a park or near a lake, river, or ocean. *Walk barefoot in the grass. *Sit under a tree. *Plant a garden or some indoor plants. *Stroke and talk to a pet.
6. Laugh regularly and make time for joy
Laughter not only reduces stress and improves mood it also strengthens the immune system. In addition, humor stops the downward spiral of energy-zapping thought-habits that lead to increased anxiety and/or depression. Laughter immediately decreases muscle tension, enhances creativity, and increase optimism. The mere act of laughing creates positive emotions, such as joy and amusement, hope, confidence, and overall well-being. In the short-term, this stabilizes blood pressure, massages inner organs, stimulates circulation, helps improve digestion, increases supply of oxygen to the muscles, and decreases muscle tension. In longer term, it boosts the power of our immunity by reducing damaging stress hormones.
You may wonder how we can laugh at a time as serious as this. But, in fact, it’s at times such as these that humor is needed more than ever for its unique power to brighten even the darkest situation.
7. Have an attitude of gratitude
Focusing attention on what we feel thankful for changes our perspective and even our reality. Having gratitude for what we have and looking for the silver linings in the less-than-ideal situations bring us feelings of optimism, peace, and enthusiasm to keep us on this trek as a peaceful warrior.
Keeping a gratitude journal is an easy way to create this habit of having an attitude of gratitude. Write down three to five things, big or small, daily that you feel grateful for. See how you feel at the end of one week of keeping this journal.
8. Become a “glass-half-full” person
Remain optimistic about the future and use this time to discover what is really most important to you and what you were doing just because you thought you were supposed to. Spend some time being philosophical about this time of global stillness. The earth is thanking us for halting our activity, with skies and waters already becoming clearer. If you’re not able to work because of sheltering in place, use this time to investigate what your passion might be and take time to plan your steps toward following your dreams, once you’re able to. Find ways to share your gifts with the world virtually. By sharing your unique gifts with the world, you’re serving humanity, inspiring others, and bringing joy and peace to the world, all of us hungry for the beauty that you might share.
9. Find meaning
Finding ways to be part of the solution is an extremely powerful antidote to depression when bombarded with bad news daily. Taking time to discover our passion, and then taking the steps to follow it, is one way of finding meaning in our lives. There are many ways to do this, even when we feel that we have hit rock bottom.
Finding meaning in life usually consists of focusing on helping others, in spite of whatever circumstances they are in.
Here are some suggestions for finding meaning in your life:
*Look for the deeper meaning in the situation that we’re all in. *Do a good deed for a neighbor. *Express yourself creatively, such as through dancing, drawing/painting, playing an instrument or singing or writing.
10. Challenge irrational beliefs
We humans tend to have the bad habit of taking ourselves out of things that are good for us with negative, self-sabotaging statements, such as “What’s the point?” or “Who would be interested in what I have to say, anyway?” We talk to ourselves in ways we would never speak to a friend, if we want to keep our friends. This type of negative and irrational self-talk is likely to keep us down, if we listen to and believe this negative chatter.
Take some time to look at what thoughts and beliefs might be causing some of these negative emotions and to ask yourself if these beliefs are based in reality. The technique of mindfulness meditation, described above, has the added benefit of helping us to become more aware of our thoughts, noticing when we make those self-sabotaging statements, and giving us the ability to better discern those thoughts and beliefs worth keeping verses those that no longer serve us.
11. Eat well
The food that we eat has a direct effect on the health, immune system, and energy level. In addition, food affects the health, sharpness, and vitality of our brains and has a direct influence on the hormones and neurotransmitters (brain chemicals) that affect our emotions. Food can cause depression and anxiety, and it can also heal our body and our “soul”, helping us to feel happy, energized, and ready to take on the world. Most recently, a direct relationship has been found between the amount of fresh fruits and vegetables one eats and their mood and level of energy. People who eat more produce tend to feel calmer, happier, and more energetic.
While the first eleven recommendations given here are crucial, getting enough restful sleep is the glue that holds it all together. Sleep is essential for having a good mood and for having the energy to use this time to be creative, as well as critical for concentration, memory, and disease prevention. We often feel that we can cheat sleep, but we can only get away with that for a while. Without sleep, everything is likely to begin to crumble, including our health, our emotional wellness, our creativity, and, even, our cognitive abilities.
Now more than ever, we are getting to see that we really are all connected. Our action at this time toward people who are distant from us in space, including the choice to sacrifice staying home, says more about who we really are than any grand achievement that we may have or have not accomplished in our life. We have been in training, everything else was a dress rehearsal, this is the moment that matters. It will take the effort and sacrifice of every one of us to get through this. If we have compassion and take care of ourselves with the help of some of these tips, then we can embrace our global human family with the compassion needed…and we will get through this – together.
There are several things that cause us anxiety; public speaking, mortality, and rejection. But there is another common anxiety-fueler: the fear of what others think. While it can show up in many forms—like, curbing us from speaking our truth, deciding what we do (and don’t) post on social media, and factoring into big-deal life decisions like which jobs to seek—it often holds us back from going after our most sincere goals. Or worse, it can prevent us from being our authentic selves. But before learning how to not care what people think, it’s key to first understand why so many of us do care.
Put simply, we are wired to crave a sense of belonging and safety. Humans have always felt that belonging to a group make life less dangerous. Our primitive brain is still connected to that idea that we need to belong to a group and stay in their good graces in order to survive.
While this need to be liked and accepted may have served humans way back when, it now often robs us of our freedom to be ourselves. When we are so focused on being liked or on what other people think, we can step away from our truth and lean into performance. We censor ourselves. We water ourselves down and become consummate chameleons in order to be accepted.
If any of this rings true for you, keeping you from the life you truly want to be living, here are six tips for learning how to not care what people think, once and for all.
1. Remember that what others think isn’t your businessAlthough it may seem like external thoughts can have a major effect on our inner workings, that’s really not the case. Rather, it’s merely our perception that gives them power. With this in mind here is a strategy for learning how to not care what people think: remind yourself that their thoughts are their own and have nothing to do with you. Furthermore, the only way these thoughts can impact your life is if you let them.
2. Know that your value is not contingent on being likedEmbrace the fact that your value is not determined by how liked and accepted you are. “It’s not my job to be liked,” I tell myself. “It’s my job to show up in my authenticity and deliver the contribution I came to deliver. Some people will like what I have to offer, and others will not, and that is real and normal. It has no implications on our value as human beings. So, if someone likes you or what you’re doing, great. And if they don’t, that’s fine, too—you do you, regardless.
3. Define your valuesLiving your life according to what others think of you is a recipe for an unhappy and exhausting life. Instead, define your own set of values. Get clear on what’s important to you, not other people. Focus on who you want to be, not what others say you should be. From there, we can align ourselves with friends and groups that share these values versus attempting to fit ourselves into a box that doesn’t reflect our truest expression.
4. Find the core wound and write a new storyThere is usually an old story, subconscious belief, or an emotional wound that drives the worry of what others think. Reflect on this during a meditation or in your journal to help you better understand why it is that you, personally, care what others think in the first place. Think of your earliest memory of not being liked or accepted, how it made you feel, and what you most needed in that memory.
Once you’re clearer on that core wound, belief, or story, you can write a new story for yourself. Write it out in a journal. For example, if your old story is that you need to be liked to survive or be worthy, then you can write out examples of times when you weren’t necessarily accepted and still flourished.
5. Forgive yourself and shift your mind-setOvercoming the fear of what people think is certainly not something that can happen overnight. It requires practice and a whole lot of self-forgiveness. We all get caught in our fear stories from time to time. It doesn’t make us wrong or broken. When that fear rears its ugly head (and it will), forgive yourself in that moment and then choose a new thought and way of being. Shifting your mind-set in this way will give you the motivation you need to do what you’re holding yourself back from accomplishing.